Helpers, Wood, 2 Dogs, and a Date?

We are so grateful for helpers...yesterday we had a friend from our neighborhood help Chris move the heavy stuff out of our garage. He had to work early today and we had a taco dinner planned as well, so we over stepped our bounds with his generosity to help and we just really appreciate his servant heart towards us. In the past he has helped us build a swingset, try to watch our dog, move heavy furniture for our move, and loan us their fan many times. His wife helped us clean for our sale, has watched our children numerous times and is a great reprieve for me to talk to. Today we had 2 more helpers, one was from Chris' work and another a long time friend of Chris' from childhood. We've had many more over the past few months - THANK-YOU!!!

We had 3 guys, 10 kids, and 2 dogs around most of the day today, loading wood, loading stuff, stacking wood, and working hard in the heat and humidity. We did so much today that Chris decided to return the trailer early, and we had a date on our way! A gas stop at Fleet Farm and a couple cokes to go, and time spent together. OH, yesterday, Chris showed me my "dream list" for our home, and our new home hit every dream except 1! That was a fun thing to read, probably written 5+ years ago, God is so good and faithful to us.

2 Dogs???? We had a friend in need of a dog sitter, and with all that we have had to do, you'd think it a burden, but it was all but! It has been a comic relief really! Thanks to Katya for watching Amber and Chance all day, as we came and went, I think she kind of enjoyed it as well. Little Amber chased Chance all around all day, chewing him out for stealing her stick or ball, and they are so tuckered out, a reminder to keep our children active as well. We laughed and smiled during our stacking, unloading, eating lunch, and raking outside.

Attachment: Tomorrow we have our annual picnic put on by our Adoption agency, European Children's Adoption Services. Our children love this picnic and are really excited. I am excited for most of them, however, there is one that I worry about. She has a track record of finding someone to complain about, and she needs to talk, and can still talk in Russian, and some days are good for her here and other times are not. She has re-assured me that she is not going to keep doing this, but my trust is still low. I hope the attachment stuff doesn't get me too down. Mostly, it's fun to see the kids get their faces painted, eat snow cones, popcorn and other fun things, and play a ton of games, and swim if they want to. It's really a great time to connect with others doing the same thing we are.

Please keep my parents in your prayers as they go through down days and battling cancer is hard. Chris' Mom has carotid artery surgery next week.  Thanks for all your sustaining prayers for us. I am so grateful for some websites I have found (and put on the blog), and am finding, support, ideas, encouragement, etc.!

Ps 23, the Lord is our Shepherd, I shall not want...our cup runneth over...lovingly, Alesia & Chris

Grieving, Baseball & Attachment...

Grieving today the sale and loss of our old home despite being grateful it sold so quickly and the blessing of our new home. I remember our little ones playing in the back yard and cry when I look at the sandbox. Not sure if this means I should get more sleep, or just sit and cry and treasure those precious memories...

We played baseball today, 5 innings, the most ever. Most of us held it together, but 2 biological's lost their self control almost entirely. I stayed calm but for fun modeled for them their crazy behavior! They all blew me kisses good night and we're moving on. Sophia hit 3 home runs, one of which was a grand slam, Katya hit and got home, and Natasha made it on and home as well. Andre hit some nice ones, really! Jonathan is athletically great, but I said I won't play with him again until Chris is there. He even admits he'd make a poor manager! James bunted and made it to 3rd a couple times I struck out 3x! I still can't believe it. I think I'd been bragging too much about my good streak in the 50mph batting cage!

Attachment topic of the day...1) John Hays has a great support e-mail he is sending out..we read it together! And 2) We had a discussion about a very yucky sick newspaper article. The jest of it was that the man did something really bad to a woman, and "it was all his fault"...we had a really good discussion about how to not put ourselves in those situations, and what attachment disorders play out in situations like this, and how even though he was wrong and should be in jail, if the woman had a healthy set of boundaries and friends she never would have had to worry, let alone experience the abuse. It was a good discussion!

We are growing, and every day I grieve something...usually it's time not spent with one of my children, or husband, or something like that, and I am praying for patience for attaching. I love the Trauma Headquarters(TH)..it's really helping me.  One of our girls hugs me now about 50-100 times a day, and I wonder who took all those hugs last year when she was in school. I hope she can rest in our family and not need that many hugs someday, but for now, most often it's ok, but some times I ask her to try to not need attention right at this moment and find something calm to do like read a book, or a craft. Sometimes they hang on me, or block the door to the bathroom and if I'm rested or calm, I can handle it, but honestly, sometimes I want to scream and hold it back. TH is teaching me that when I freak out, it causes fear and that causes more issues, and then the cycle starts all over again, so trying to break the cycle and help our kids feel safe. We're doing a lot of talking about it these days and that helps a lot!

Mostly it was a peaceful, kind, loving day today.

We appreciate your prayers so much..and Dad had chemo today so thanks for those prayers too!
Alesia & Chris

Lamentations...........and His Faithfulness

Quoted from the Family Life Marriage Bible, NKJV, "...this book is written near the end of his (Jeremiah's) life, as he sees the terrible fulfillment of all the ominous warnings he so faithfully delivered to his spiritually wandering people.  Even though God's hard hearted people ignored Jeremiah's message, the prophet still weeps at the fall of the holy city and at the suffering of God's chosen nation."

Just wanted to know the background and one of my favorite verses just mirrors today: Lam 3: 19-on into the rest of the chapter....

Remember my affliction and roaming...my soul still remembers and sinks within me...this I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not, THEY ARE NEW EVERY MORNING; Great is Your faithfulness, the Lord is my portion...says my soul, therefore I hope in Him! The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him, It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord....etc.

Today was a NEW day! Thanks for your prayers....we had a good family discussion today about our Bible reading (Delilah & Samson..and Judas Iscariot), we played Apples to Apples, and the kids sang karoke praise songs for a long time. Katya biked with Natasha to the Library, and the kids went later to the library with Dad and walked home. There was string chamber today in our home, and chess, and laundry, and bathroom floor washing. I walked with one daughter and she broke down and we hugged, and I walked with another explained the difference between wishing evil on someone and just explaining wrong doing. We painted nails and my hair got braided and combed a few times. Andre made mint tea, and Jaclyn baked cookies, Jonathan had hockey. We had a nummy steak & chx supper! We said things directly and yet we handled it. It was a NEW day and I am grateful to your prayers. I feel more strength today to be the mom I need to be, even though I faced similar challenges today.

My husband fixed my computer, and the car, and let me go out with a couple friends who home school as well. The kids played with some neighborhood friends outside today for awhile and the boys especially had fun with football, baseball and biking. It was a full day, but some how it was a NEW day, and I have strength to face tomorrow.

THANKS for your prayers! In Him, Alesia & Chris

Attachment and Faithfulness....

A couple weeks ago we had a sermon at church about faithfulness. How it's hard to be faithful these days with facebook, e-mail, cell phones, etc. We can be friendly, but the latest and greatest can pass us up and move right in whenever we want it to.

I am experiencing this with adoption, and honestly it is really hard for me. I have experienced it off and on for a couple years, but am much more aware of it now. We are also experiencing it with family who have pulled away from us over the last couple of years. We feel lonely off and on.

I have recently experienced faithfulness at the same time. Saturday we were taking down things from our attic and I ran across some dishes that will be useful at home for us. And we found my Bible from when I was a baby, and some books from my childhood, and an old tray that Chris and I used to make bricks with. But more than anything, I found Chris and I just crying and hugging in front of our son James about all the faithful little things that we have in our life. And I see it in my parents as my Dad battles cancer. I guess when we can stay lovingly faithful to someone over the long haul, that's one great form of success.

Today one of my girls said to me "girls are best"...and I said don't say that, you might have a husband or a son some day and that is just not right...we are all needed and God loves us the same. Another child in our household is going through an attachment phase that she just left our home for our neighbors without telling us, or just bonds to other "mother" figures out there as they pop up, at the same time she is sassy or disrespectful to me. It's heartbreaking to see kids pour out their love to someone they don't even know, yet, not even see what has been given to them from us as their parents. Another child seems to just hug anyone she has met in the last 15 minutes and can "bounce" form person to person. At least some of those hugs include me so I know she's trying to attach to me. Another of our children looks for people to complain too, and is just not content here. But I wonder when or where she would ever find contentment, and does she understand it will be mostly a choice and a walk with Jesus and contentment with Him?

Chris is so encouraging, he says it will just take time and we've come a long way and to keep on going.

There is healthy attachment going on as well with each of the brothers and sisters, but there is also manipulative strange attachment, "he can sit next to me, but don't you touch me" etc. kind of stuff. This adoptive brother is ok, but this biological one isn't. And when it's between 7 siblings, there is always some thing kind of like that going on between brothers and sisters. How to get the biological siblings to be content with each other is more of a challenge now than it was a year ago.

It's so much better than it was a year ago, but it's also like how long can it stay this way with a few weak links of contentment modeling for others? I feel hurt or disillusioned most days and wonder what's in store around the corner as far as my heart goes. I think I attached too quickly, for what I should have been expecting. But I'm afraid I will detach which is not the direction to go.

We're hoping to order a good book, and I hope to attend a support group. I appreciate your prayers. There is nothing major going on, just underlying strains that make parenting for me hard. I have lost trust from this strange attachment phenomena. I have felt betrayed and I guess now it's time for the real work of parenting to start and I'm not sure some days if I'm up for it, but here I go. It helps to talk about it.

We're back on the hockey trail, and hope to get a few studies done with the kids this week. We did have some friends stop by on Sat and hang out and help with a few things and that was refreshing. We're beating the heat at the rinks, and in the air conditioning. We'll be finalizing our garage moving this weekend.  Praise God we close on the sale of that home Aug 18th.

Just needed to share what's going on, and that we treasure your prayers and understanding. We look forward to hearing from you or having you over some time. God Bless the rest of your summer!
Alesia & Chris