Good, but tired...

Dad is starting to pick up energy. Chris' mom is having the kids and Chris over after her surgery and sounds like she is doing good, but tired. Our youngest 5 went on a walk to a garage sale with Sophia (12) in charge! And other than about 6 phone calls, all went well. Natasha returned with a beautiful music box with teddy bears dancing in the snow, and 2 hockey players (9 figurines in all - how perfect), all for $2 (for Mom). James told me what he thought about buying, and everyone had a nice walk. Sophia and I took the little boys to football, and Chris helps coach Jonathan's football. I fell asleep in the grass for a few minutes.

It's quiet now, so will go do a few things and enjoy that as well. It's a day in His hand, peaceful, but I am still tired. Still much to do before we close on the old house.

If you get a chance read Urban Servant's blog..and keep her in your prayers as they are moving. It will give you a "taste" of what some families go through (no pun intended). All I can say is I am grateful to hear her stories and can grow stronger as an adoptive parent and we can grow as a family.

Love Alesia & Chris

Dad

Just wanted you to know that Dad is having some hard, wiped out days. It would be a blessing if he can pull through from this chemo and have some more good days like he did in July. We have had so many good days with him since we found out last October, but it is never easy. Thanks for your prayers, I put his caring bridge site up on our blog if you can keep him in your prayers. Love Alesia & Chris

Some Good News, Anxiety, and the Run on Sentence...

Chris' Mom's surgery went well. We just had a nice Little House in the big woods family read. Boys had good football practice and didn't lie about cheating in practice. Little frogs are climbing up our windows, which is fun to look at. I was "anxious" today, couldn't really relax so will be heading to bed early after a bath. Kids are off to bed at 9:30pm. I read in one of the google articles of an adopted boy who needs only 4 hours of sleep. We are so fortunate that sleep is not one of the many issues that can challenge our family. A few like to get up early (5:30am and on), but they either lay there, get up and read or do some quiet chores. Did I say we are fortunate! I had hugs and kisses tonight from almost all our children, and am sure I'll get one here soon from the last when the Twin's game is over on the radio - we do not have cable. It was a good end to a busy day: hockey dryland, chamber music, the book of Ruth in the Bible (a great read!) and football for 3 boys. Katya helped make chicken for dinner, and handled the kids when I was driving to and from hockey 3x, and it was especially a treat today, as I just was on edge. I didn't blow or anything, but just felt anxious. That's always a good reminder to pray, but still had a hard time having it go.

Some days feel like a run on sentence....it starts with one child and works it's way through all the kids throughout the day with little to no pause, unless I ask for a quiet time which I do ever so often or we allow a film, then after the kids are off to bed, it's like the period to this long sentence. Sometimes it's hard to start up a dialogue again, after so much verbal, chitter chatter, and excitement. But as kids feel safer and practice love and kindness, they begin to interact more and more with each other, instead of me, and that helps as well.

When I was taking the kids to hockey, Andre talked non-stop until he was at hockey, then I had a 10 minute drive home, then a few talked to me at home, and then Jonathan talked non-stop on the way to hockey, and Andre talked non-stop on the way back..and then - you get the idea! Anyway, it's when I can calmly say, ok, Mom's ears need a break for a little while..without snapping, that I know that I'm growing as well.

Thank-you for your prayers for my Parents. And for us as a family. We look forward to hearing from you and spending time when you can. Love Alesia and Chris

Philippians 4:6, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Your Prayers, Our Picnic, & you guessed it, Attachment....

Dear Prayer warriors.....keep my parents in your prayers, that they can experience peace in the midst of suffering. Dad is worn out from his chemo a few days ago (for his esophageal cancer), and I just think prayers are the thing they need most right now.

Chris' Mom has carotid artery http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002951.htm surgery tomorrow (Tue) and your prayers are so important to us. Thank-you.

Our European Children's Adoption Services picnic was everything I expected it to be...good, and bad.

 Face painting, balloons, and slushies. Chris and I did hang out and that was nice. Our children played well together, stood up for each other, and obeyed us. All in all it was a good day as a family.

I'm grateful for one ECAS social worker spending some time with us, and she knows us well, and she shared a story about one of her adopted children.  She told me a story about how after 6 years of adoption her child was overheard talking about how they wished they could have been adopted into another family. I couldn't believe it, but it was so good for me to hear. It made me realize that we can experience our children's desire for detachment at any time, no matter what we have done or gone through, and that not to take it personally (my favorite passtime). I asked if she flipped out, and she said no, she handled it very well, and educated the parent that has made her child feel so welcome. What a wonderful example to set for me as an adoptive parent. And she recommended a book for me to share with my Dad.

One of my daughters came to the picnic in the skimpiest suit she could find (her way of feeling loved and important). I had recently purchased a nice wholesome one for her, and she liked it and thanked me with her big hugs, and I would naturally think that she felt blessed and special, but really it just didn't show enough skin. We have had 20+ talks about this in the past, so we had another, and she swam with her shirt over her suit and said "ok Mom" in a really respectful tone. At least we made it that far....

Another daughter found a friend to talk to and was invited to their home, but we haven't had contact with them since last October, and I thought it best that we plan that for a different time. So many times things sound so fun right at the moment, but they are not what is best for our family. We had a nice talk today about it.

Lastly, a big fight did break out in the pool, of which many played a part in. But I think we all were not paying enough attention to our children in the pool. Some of my children said they were punched, hair pulled, and almost drowned. I remember when our children first came and they almost drowned others, as they didn't swim that often and didn't realize their strength when they would hang onto each other.

I appreciate all that ECAS has done for us, and the picnic was fun, and it was fun to see parents that had traveled to our same orphanage, but honestly, it is not my best event of the year.

Attachment: I am reading little things here and there. I really like the Trauma Headquarters (top 10 don'ts), and links to audio's that I can scroll to for attachment, teen age stuff, etc). I'll share little quotes as I get find them...

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.." Yoda from Star Wars.....Does that sum it up for adoptive families or what? I fear what they will do, they fear what we will do, they fear the unknown, we hate each other at one time or another (yes I feel it too sometimes, thank God not today). We can struggle...Trauma Headquarters goes on to say...relieve the fears so you can attach, and I tell myself that every time I want to crinkle up my face, or yell, or slam a door or anything to alleviate the pressure...."alleviate the fear".  As John Hays (Hayskids) puts it, "Calm down, and Delay Parenting", delayed parenting means that at the moment they can't receive it and you're too mad to give it, so wait until the situation is calmer and then make sure it is covered, there can be consequences, and it's done calmly.

Jonathan and Sophia walked to the library. I sat with Andre. I unpacked boxes with Natasha first and Katya second. We did our family Bible time, and James, Jaclyn, Andre and Natasha are playing Oregon Trail or My Little Pony on the computer. We spent time together today. I need to pull James and Jaclyn aside some days to spend time with them. Attachment  is work, but I hope it will lead to a secure, peaceful family.  But there may be days 6 years from now that someone wishes they were adopted into a different family, and may God give me the grace to handle that with His love.

Alesia and Chris