Quiet Peaceful Day...

I guess that is what you can call it since I spent most of it in the car driving here and there.....

Chris took the girls to their skating, while I took Jonathan to his 9:45am game (5-5..he put a beauty shot in from the blue line...played D, not his favorite, and he thought he was -1, I thought he was neutral). Girls had 2 hours of ice time today.

I took Jaclyn to her piano contest/exam, and she said that went well. Chris and the little boys went up to the cabin quick to fix the dock. Jaclyn played a new game with Sophia & Natasha.  Jonathan and I watched hockey on TV. Katya studied, facebooked, and showered early so I could braid her hair.

Chris and the boys had baseball. I took Jonathan to his scrimmage, 1 wrap-around goal, and 1 assist...

It was very peaceful, because I have been at distance from a couple of girls, and for some reason that adds to the peace and quiet; there is no drama, manipulation, sass, exaggeration, interruptions if there is no "connection".  Probably not the best way to be, but it's definitely better than tirades.  My friend offered to take them any time because they were so good and helpful (typical attachment disorder behavior), and I am more than ready for them to go as often as she needs. Glad they can be of help and have made a good friend!   Maybe we can keep this relationship going for a few years until the disrespect, sass, tirades, and deception quit and we can actually get along again!  I am truly sorry, but Friday really put me over the edge.

There were some side spats today, but all in all it was just a calm, neutral day, and I could use about 100 more of those.

Plan to attend (with most of the family) an evangelism meeting at a friends church tomorrow night and Wed. Should prove to be refreshing. I am so grateful for these opportunities.

I am still very frustrated about a few things and need to explore some options, as I can't live the way things have been going for much longer.....hope to read a few articles at the new website I posted...Center for Cognitive Developmental remediation-something something. It has some helpful tips for post orphange behavior. I really just need some clear direction. I plan to start asking around, the school, etc. It would be almost perfect if some of the kids could go to summer school, and return for HomeSchool, but I think they need them to be enrolled in the Fall, and I get closer to this every day, unfortunately. I want a healthy homeschool, but now with all the drama, interruptions, sass, laziness, deceptive behavior even in reading and math, it's all so ugly and frustrating...pretending to not understand, asking lazy questions, trying to get people upset..it's so babyish and frankly, I really just want to help our children learn..not just baby sit them all day...

Anyway...need to stop thinking about it for awhile, unfortunatetly, tomorrow is Monday, and in some ways I am really dreading it...but I don't plan on crying or cringing my way through it, will just help those interested in learning and respecting others....or even reading and studying quietly...and hope that I will have a good school day with some of the crew.
Hoping for more neutral days, Alesia and Chris

Tirade? 24 hours? Jonathan "boy sitting"?

Not sure what to even write about...other than to say Friday was horrible due to a tirade after I confronted somone on their behavior.  She struggles with gossip, then turns it all around and says someone else is saying it, all the while, acting rudely, mopey and unkind. When we finally get to the bottom of it, she started the whole thing. This has happened other times, and when she has been confronted on an issue, she has first denied it, then shifted blame, and then moved into a whole hearted, loud, screaming tirade about what horrible mother I am, that I don't love her, that she is not my child, that I am not a Christrian, and about 10 minutes of telling me how bad I am, and then, a quick I'm sorry and all they really need is my love, true that she needs my love, and probably a learned mechanism from such a horrible life, and I should have compassion....and usually this is a sting that only lasts a couple of days, and then is gone....

But for some reason, this time, it just feels like there was a little nerve damage....anyway, a couple of children spent time at a friend's farm, which was probably a reward for them, but I guess we need to do what we need to do....

I had 24 hours with a couple girls, my brother and 2 of his children. We had some nice talks, and laughes in the car and put together the dock. I did have trouble sleeping, but am trying the special breathing technique my niece told me about! The best part was 24 hours with no drama!  The girls had fun with their cousins, uncle & grandma.

Jonathan and the boys got home today from fishing, and he was put in charge of the 2 little ones. I did get a phone call from a couple of upset boys, but they worked it out...with the help of "The Black Stallion" on CD rom! I'm going to look up the legal limit for a 10 year old to babysit, and bet we pushed a little close.

I didn't return home til, late, and Chris is still out. Tomorrow we have 4 ice times amongst children, and 1 piano contest.  We'll all have to gather around the computer and hear our pastor's talk on sex tomorrow afternoon.  The boys might want to finish "The Black Stallion"!

I'm really not doing that well...each moment is a chance for me to think twice about a few things and what is the best way to handle them. His Word is lamp unto my feet, even if it means one step at a time.

Love from Alesia & Chris

Clarity in the Clouds....Freedom in the Fog?

I remember the last time we drove in the fog. It was on an evening after Jaclyn's end of the year hockey party when she was 10. We were driving to Florida, and headed East through Wisconsin. We were probably 30 minutes into the drive when the fog started. When we went into valleys there would be fog, then on the way out of the valley it would clear. And later it was almost constant. Chris driving, and I was very tired, but couldn't sleep well, because of the fog, and the lack of clarity......if you can remember that feeling of driving in this, it is very tense and your whole body is focused, but you can't see in front of you very far.....

That's how I would describe the last few weeks....and even a 2 hour drive in fog is hard to sustain, so having it come an go over a couple weeks can really wreak havoc on the nerves. And none of these things are "blow up" proportion, but when they come at you more frequently that you are able to fend them off, they seem much bigger collectively.

We had a cardinal nest near our window and she had chicks, and they were so fun to watch, and then they were gone? What happened?...."I rrrrron't know" A rolled tongue on a word that doesn't have an R for attention, or to cover up lying?...I don't know really myself. "I did hit the tree with a stick once because I forgot." "Ok, I did hit it again because I forgot".....................fog............still haven't heard the real story on that one.....I keep hoping they flew away.

We had 12 bagels...gone quickly, no one knows where they went but 3 people ate them, and things don't add up.................fog...

I ask one to put away her book...later; Did you put it away? "Ya"....and sometimes accompanied by cracking of knuckles....why is lying so attractive???? FOG...Did you just lie? "Ya"...Go put away the book. I am supposed to celebrate that they told me the truth, while I'm just reeling inside....I can't handle even a stretch of the truth...it's just FOG to me....

We have some great ideas for PSEO in a little over a year for Jaclyn..........fog clears!

We asked our top algebra daughter just a couple of questions from the kids math, and the answers seemed foggy to me......not what I would have expected....it didn't measure up from one who is getting such good grades in Algebra....how can that be? And I have rarely seen that book opened at home.

The coffee pot broke after someone tried to make coffee....but know one knows how....

I came home from a homeschool talent show at a nursing home where this one family, danced, sang and juggled for the Lord, their love for Him shines, and our girls dances to praise music, and I just couldn't stop smiling for awhile..."What wrong with you, and that fake smile" came a comment to me! I was so full of Him, that day it was finally bubbling out, and then drama comments like that....more FOG!!  I gently explained that I had a wonderful afternoon and was really full and happy from it....some clarity, but the sting is still there..

It seems like more often than not, A does not = A around here, but B....and usually it doesn't take long for it to = B^2 (that's squared)............

And when I can divert my attention to something true, unaltered, and real, the fog clears, but when I'm immersed in the drama, lying, foolish talk, mis-understandings, sass, etc,  it's like I'm navigating with all intensity in the fog. Yes, I'm disciplining for all of it, swiftly, but sometimes, it is so sly, or strange, I just can't even put my finger on it.

Last night, I did put up a few screens, Jaclyn worked energetically on her finance test. The other girls watched a movie and came up to bed quietly after. They had cleaned their bathroom, window sills and put up their screens as well! All was quiet....but that was after a day of drama....

Some times kids will make these sly, judgemental comments, sometimes during Bible, but then when you ask about it, they look away, or can't speak...it's just another things that needs correction, but it makes me wonder where their heart is at. Here's one "Why do people talk about Chineese"....well, I have been with this person more than most in the last 2 years, and we never talk about Chineese, so I confronted...maybe people from your past did, but have you heard anyone in the last 2 years do this? "Uh, no..but books do, like this one" it was from her sister's HISTORY book!  So why the fascination with Chineese? She looks away, can't talk about it, etc....FOG!

The boys are doing well as far as I have heard! No fish yet.

Anyway, picture driving in the fog, and maybe you'll understand how it is around here....with - thank God- moments of clarity along the way....like the walk today in the woods. Hope to keep that up for awhile! And will try to "drive the home" like Chris..with nerves of steel! If I have nerves of steel, I'll pull us out of the fog and into the clear....but for a mom with all those feelings it can be hard at times!

We'll be heading up to Mom's to get her dock in with my brother. Should be some "real" times of clarity for me! Hope she can handle any "fog" that comes her way!

Love Alesia & Chris

The coffee pot is broken..again!

I asked Natasha if she could clean up her room before school...and I mentioned something about if she knew how to make coffee, and then I said "no, just clean your room, I'll make the coffee", well I came up and she was trying to make it for me...sweet...but too much water and I think she shorted it out, the same thing happened to our old (3+ years) pot about 1 month ago.

Unmatched, neatly folded socks....
Mold in the windows...
The boys headed up fishing without life jackets..hope theypicked them up at the cabin...
Sophia said "It's borning"....because she can't quite speak English correctly, and she is incapable of spending time alone...needs to have someone at her side a lot. RAD, I think....and unfortunately, for the amount of time she needs with someone, there are days I feel that I need double away from people...
Woke up in the middle of the night (good time to pray..when it's hard to fall asleep!), and then at about 6ish with my heart pounding..and then later, the anxiety passed.

Some are wondering what movies they can watch, what kind of "vacation" we're going to have with the boys gone, and I'm trying to think of what we can get done...boys room organized, a few screens on, some sewing done...etc...ugh...

Well, needed to vent while making tea since the coffee pot was broken. We're going down to draw a diagram on the relationship between the sun, moon, and earth and how it works, since I tried explaining last night to Natasha, but she just laughed and giggled and said she understood, all the while asking nonsensicle (is that a word) questions....

But I did walk today, and met a woman walking and she thinks our girls are "so sweet"...and I cried my way home a little and tried to pull it together for the day...

Alesia