Your Prayers, Our Picnic, & you guessed it, Attachment....

Dear Prayer warriors.....keep my parents in your prayers, that they can experience peace in the midst of suffering. Dad is worn out from his chemo a few days ago (for his esophageal cancer), and I just think prayers are the thing they need most right now.

Chris' Mom has carotid artery http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002951.htm surgery tomorrow (Tue) and your prayers are so important to us. Thank-you.

Our European Children's Adoption Services picnic was everything I expected it to be...good, and bad.

 Face painting, balloons, and slushies. Chris and I did hang out and that was nice. Our children played well together, stood up for each other, and obeyed us. All in all it was a good day as a family.

I'm grateful for one ECAS social worker spending some time with us, and she knows us well, and she shared a story about one of her adopted children.  She told me a story about how after 6 years of adoption her child was overheard talking about how they wished they could have been adopted into another family. I couldn't believe it, but it was so good for me to hear. It made me realize that we can experience our children's desire for detachment at any time, no matter what we have done or gone through, and that not to take it personally (my favorite passtime). I asked if she flipped out, and she said no, she handled it very well, and educated the parent that has made her child feel so welcome. What a wonderful example to set for me as an adoptive parent. And she recommended a book for me to share with my Dad.

One of my daughters came to the picnic in the skimpiest suit she could find (her way of feeling loved and important). I had recently purchased a nice wholesome one for her, and she liked it and thanked me with her big hugs, and I would naturally think that she felt blessed and special, but really it just didn't show enough skin. We have had 20+ talks about this in the past, so we had another, and she swam with her shirt over her suit and said "ok Mom" in a really respectful tone. At least we made it that far....

Another daughter found a friend to talk to and was invited to their home, but we haven't had contact with them since last October, and I thought it best that we plan that for a different time. So many times things sound so fun right at the moment, but they are not what is best for our family. We had a nice talk today about it.

Lastly, a big fight did break out in the pool, of which many played a part in. But I think we all were not paying enough attention to our children in the pool. Some of my children said they were punched, hair pulled, and almost drowned. I remember when our children first came and they almost drowned others, as they didn't swim that often and didn't realize their strength when they would hang onto each other.

I appreciate all that ECAS has done for us, and the picnic was fun, and it was fun to see parents that had traveled to our same orphanage, but honestly, it is not my best event of the year.

Attachment: I am reading little things here and there. I really like the Trauma Headquarters (top 10 don'ts), and links to audio's that I can scroll to for attachment, teen age stuff, etc). I'll share little quotes as I get find them...

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.." Yoda from Star Wars.....Does that sum it up for adoptive families or what? I fear what they will do, they fear what we will do, they fear the unknown, we hate each other at one time or another (yes I feel it too sometimes, thank God not today). We can struggle...Trauma Headquarters goes on to say...relieve the fears so you can attach, and I tell myself that every time I want to crinkle up my face, or yell, or slam a door or anything to alleviate the pressure...."alleviate the fear".  As John Hays (Hayskids) puts it, "Calm down, and Delay Parenting", delayed parenting means that at the moment they can't receive it and you're too mad to give it, so wait until the situation is calmer and then make sure it is covered, there can be consequences, and it's done calmly.

Jonathan and Sophia walked to the library. I sat with Andre. I unpacked boxes with Natasha first and Katya second. We did our family Bible time, and James, Jaclyn, Andre and Natasha are playing Oregon Trail or My Little Pony on the computer. We spent time together today. I need to pull James and Jaclyn aside some days to spend time with them. Attachment  is work, but I hope it will lead to a secure, peaceful family.  But there may be days 6 years from now that someone wishes they were adopted into a different family, and may God give me the grace to handle that with His love.

Alesia and Chris