Today was the first day that I can remember in the past year that I didn't need to be anywhere, drive anywhere, meet anyone, call anyone, do anything pressing, and for a tired out, not feeling so well mom with a tooth ache - this was EVERYTHING! I didn't drive anywhere. I did get up, but felt so horrible I laid back down until 11:30! (I haven't done this for as long as I can remember)...
The boys had baseball (I'm the hockey mom), so Dad did baseball duty. Jonathan had a blast! I raked and started a fire that I was promptly told by our mayor to put out!!! So I did!!!!! And we'll be hauling it away, rather than burning it : ) He was VERY nice about it!
An interesting thing happened yesterday, at the ice rink. I saw 2 of my children skating and talking to someone that they pressure backwards to the rink edge. I asked my friend if her child was easily influenced or was an influencer...and I watched as my children pressured this child into a corner. Then shortly after that they exited the ice as did my children quickly, and I was able to establish that something was going on....I ask my older child what that was all about "What are you talking about, I didn't see anything...oh my sibling did it"..not knowing that I saw the whole thing....
Later at home, I was able to sit the two siblings down and ask for the truth..silence...then one spoke out about a story, mostly truthful I think. Then, the latter (who didn't see anything), spewed......"Why do you hate me?", "Why do you trust Jaclyn (who wasn't part of this thing at all), oh so you want to gang up on me, I stay up late because I think you hate me." And when I asked for the truth and they would go silent again, and then say "It's because I'm adopted, that's why you hate me, I can see it in your eyes"...
Finally the same story was repeated. We have had these mixed up talks ever so often in the past year. And the drama, straight out lying, and then blaming me, makes it hard for me to tell if we have RAD going, FAS, or just drama, but it's usually very intense with anger and pointing fingers. I was later cornered again, and asked who I hated the most....then after explaining that I don't hate anyone, and that it's hard for me to function in relationships I can't trust, I asked them to leave me, or allow me to leave, and that this negative behavior has to stop. Again, silence. As I was getting up to move, I was told, "I'm thinking" in a demanding tone. I carried on. This child is very controlling. They also have a deep need to attach outside the home, and other disfunctional behaviors.... I keep wondering if it's just sin, or really something deeper...
Later I was apologized to and when I said I forgive you and love you, they broke down in tears, and I tried to explain that some how it feels as though they are trying to keep me from loving them, and really would rather be a victim of unhealthy abuse, than to be truthful, and learn how to be loved like a child.
It has been good today. Sometimes it is 4 bad days, and then 3 good ones, but this behavior is very disruptive to our family and school day. I have learned that I need to just discipline swiftly for it, but I am debating over getting testing done for drama verses disorder....
Recently I have been told to excercise (yes I need this), don't get mad (yes that doesn't work), and most recently just "were you different, and that is why you had a good day"....and usually I am not any different from day to day...but the drama is....
I am so lonely for someone out there who understands! I have chosen the last few months to "be different", tired, exhausted, crying, empty most days, but in front of those who are trying to inflict emotional harm (yes trying to), I will be different, and have had to be different.
I hope someday I can help someone in our shoes today, because these days are long, unpeaceful most days, loud, tiring, and all that I can handle to a point, but when the dark dark yuck of sin enters in, and the ungratefulness, rudeness, spewing toward me....
You know it's like the marathoner who has run a good race, with a good time, up in the top of his race...only to cross the finish line and have all his friends and family say "you're did horribly, you are so slow, why did you even race, what were you thinking"...and he has to muster up all his energy (not much left after the race) to say...."please stop, I did it for Jesus"......and find solitude to recoup!
It's a blessing to serve, and I am grateful for my husband, and few people in my life I trust whole heartedly, and mostly my Savior, because when the race is over, I know he will say good work, my faithful servant....
May we all encourage each other in our Lord....to run our races with His strength & endurance...
To His Glory! Alesia & Chris
The boys had baseball (I'm the hockey mom), so Dad did baseball duty. Jonathan had a blast! I raked and started a fire that I was promptly told by our mayor to put out!!! So I did!!!!! And we'll be hauling it away, rather than burning it : ) He was VERY nice about it!
An interesting thing happened yesterday, at the ice rink. I saw 2 of my children skating and talking to someone that they pressure backwards to the rink edge. I asked my friend if her child was easily influenced or was an influencer...and I watched as my children pressured this child into a corner. Then shortly after that they exited the ice as did my children quickly, and I was able to establish that something was going on....I ask my older child what that was all about "What are you talking about, I didn't see anything...oh my sibling did it"..not knowing that I saw the whole thing....
Later at home, I was able to sit the two siblings down and ask for the truth..silence...then one spoke out about a story, mostly truthful I think. Then, the latter (who didn't see anything), spewed......"Why do you hate me?", "Why do you trust Jaclyn (who wasn't part of this thing at all), oh so you want to gang up on me, I stay up late because I think you hate me." And when I asked for the truth and they would go silent again, and then say "It's because I'm adopted, that's why you hate me, I can see it in your eyes"...
Finally the same story was repeated. We have had these mixed up talks ever so often in the past year. And the drama, straight out lying, and then blaming me, makes it hard for me to tell if we have RAD going, FAS, or just drama, but it's usually very intense with anger and pointing fingers. I was later cornered again, and asked who I hated the most....then after explaining that I don't hate anyone, and that it's hard for me to function in relationships I can't trust, I asked them to leave me, or allow me to leave, and that this negative behavior has to stop. Again, silence. As I was getting up to move, I was told, "I'm thinking" in a demanding tone. I carried on. This child is very controlling. They also have a deep need to attach outside the home, and other disfunctional behaviors.... I keep wondering if it's just sin, or really something deeper...
Later I was apologized to and when I said I forgive you and love you, they broke down in tears, and I tried to explain that some how it feels as though they are trying to keep me from loving them, and really would rather be a victim of unhealthy abuse, than to be truthful, and learn how to be loved like a child.
It has been good today. Sometimes it is 4 bad days, and then 3 good ones, but this behavior is very disruptive to our family and school day. I have learned that I need to just discipline swiftly for it, but I am debating over getting testing done for drama verses disorder....
Recently I have been told to excercise (yes I need this), don't get mad (yes that doesn't work), and most recently just "were you different, and that is why you had a good day"....and usually I am not any different from day to day...but the drama is....
I am so lonely for someone out there who understands! I have chosen the last few months to "be different", tired, exhausted, crying, empty most days, but in front of those who are trying to inflict emotional harm (yes trying to), I will be different, and have had to be different.
I hope someday I can help someone in our shoes today, because these days are long, unpeaceful most days, loud, tiring, and all that I can handle to a point, but when the dark dark yuck of sin enters in, and the ungratefulness, rudeness, spewing toward me....
You know it's like the marathoner who has run a good race, with a good time, up in the top of his race...only to cross the finish line and have all his friends and family say "you're did horribly, you are so slow, why did you even race, what were you thinking"...and he has to muster up all his energy (not much left after the race) to say...."please stop, I did it for Jesus"......and find solitude to recoup!
It's a blessing to serve, and I am grateful for my husband, and few people in my life I trust whole heartedly, and mostly my Savior, because when the race is over, I know he will say good work, my faithful servant....
May we all encourage each other in our Lord....to run our races with His strength & endurance...
To His Glory! Alesia & Chris
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