Grieving, Baseball & Attachment...

Grieving today the sale and loss of our old home despite being grateful it sold so quickly and the blessing of our new home. I remember our little ones playing in the back yard and cry when I look at the sandbox. Not sure if this means I should get more sleep, or just sit and cry and treasure those precious memories...

We played baseball today, 5 innings, the most ever. Most of us held it together, but 2 biological's lost their self control almost entirely. I stayed calm but for fun modeled for them their crazy behavior! They all blew me kisses good night and we're moving on. Sophia hit 3 home runs, one of which was a grand slam, Katya hit and got home, and Natasha made it on and home as well. Andre hit some nice ones, really! Jonathan is athletically great, but I said I won't play with him again until Chris is there. He even admits he'd make a poor manager! James bunted and made it to 3rd a couple times I struck out 3x! I still can't believe it. I think I'd been bragging too much about my good streak in the 50mph batting cage!

Attachment topic of the day...1) John Hays has a great support e-mail he is sending out..we read it together! And 2) We had a discussion about a very yucky sick newspaper article. The jest of it was that the man did something really bad to a woman, and "it was all his fault"...we had a really good discussion about how to not put ourselves in those situations, and what attachment disorders play out in situations like this, and how even though he was wrong and should be in jail, if the woman had a healthy set of boundaries and friends she never would have had to worry, let alone experience the abuse. It was a good discussion!

We are growing, and every day I grieve something...usually it's time not spent with one of my children, or husband, or something like that, and I am praying for patience for attaching. I love the Trauma Headquarters(TH)..it's really helping me.  One of our girls hugs me now about 50-100 times a day, and I wonder who took all those hugs last year when she was in school. I hope she can rest in our family and not need that many hugs someday, but for now, most often it's ok, but some times I ask her to try to not need attention right at this moment and find something calm to do like read a book, or a craft. Sometimes they hang on me, or block the door to the bathroom and if I'm rested or calm, I can handle it, but honestly, sometimes I want to scream and hold it back. TH is teaching me that when I freak out, it causes fear and that causes more issues, and then the cycle starts all over again, so trying to break the cycle and help our kids feel safe. We're doing a lot of talking about it these days and that helps a lot!

Mostly it was a peaceful, kind, loving day today.

We appreciate your prayers so much..and Dad had chemo today so thanks for those prayers too!
Alesia & Chris