Andre's birthday...

Andre turned 9 on Monday. He had a nice party. A & C

Dad's Funeral & Visitation...

So nice to see so many family and friends. We are grateful for everyone's love, cards, flowers, visits yesterday and today. So many hugs. Beautiful music from Aunt Melissa, and kind words from grandkids and Molly. Great food from Heather, and time for the cousins to be together. Amongst all the tears and sadness of saying good-bye to grandpa, I think he would have been honored. The hardest part for me was seeing my brothers choke up...And I loved to hear all the stories from Dad's every walk of life. I know that some of you have been praying that all would go well with all the kids and everything, and it all went wonderfully, especially from help from our electronic whiz Uncle Chuck!

Now our prayer will be to help Mom grieve and not get too lonely. It will be a few long hard quiet months for her I think, but pray that she will be ok. I am so grateful that she has a good solid job to keep her days occupied.

Thank-you for helping us through this time. It has been a blessing to have your encouragement. To God be the Glory, for Dad's life, our family, your encouragement and every day we have to live for Him....A&C

Dad's in Heaven...

Last night, quietly, he went....thank-you for your prayers, love and concern...so relieved to have him in a better place, so sad to say good-by....Alesia

Dad's in Hospice...

Mom is caring for him. Please pray that his last moments with her are touched by the grace, peace and presence of our Lord & Savior, Jesus. Pray for strength and wisdom for Mom. Remember Dad, as the puzzler, fisherman, hard worker, man with a sense of humor, quiet yet thoughtful, cribbage player, wonderful Grandpa, Dad, and husband.

Love...A & C

Almost all is well...

Sophia helped trick or treat with Andre & Natasha

We all celebrated and shared in their treasures!

It was a smiley evening...

We hope to see Dad this Friday, and think about him often. Sophia wrote about him in her homework.

Andre keeps doing strange destructive things...Natasha told the truth about something from last year in school, Katya's doing a lot of homework, Jonathan is eating and breathing hockey, Jaclyn is doing more and more music, tried a little "debate", is doing hockey and a few other things as well..Sophia & Natasha started their praise dancing this week, and still enjoy skating. Andre & James are hanging out together off and on and have started their hockey as well. All is "almost" well around here except the strange destructive acts, and I get a little tired and overwhelmed some days. Each day is gift though and I need to see it as just that.

Love from Alesia & Chris

Dad fell...

He's ok, but had a gash on his head....

He didn't want me to know...not to worry...

They had a nice time with family visits though, and I appreciate your prayers.

We have a full week and I plan to go up on Friday. All is well here. Chris' Mom, continues to improve at home.

Love from Alesia & Chris 

A couple other BIG little things....

Thank you for your prayers....Chris' Mom is home! My Dad and Mom had company this weekend, and he has been feeling chipper and sweet with Mom.

Jonathan just had a wonderful opportunity in hockey, that we are really grateful for. He has just been at the right place at the right time and will get a hard work out this year with the right coaching staff. We are so grateful for this opportunity. And it almost moved me to tears to sense that some of the coaches were just as happy to have him, as he was excited to be on their team. It won't be an easy year, but it will be a good, growing, year for Jonathan and hockey.

That was one BIG thing....

The other little thing that was "big" was, our Andre pulled another crazy yesterday..he took one of his skates and broke our tail light on our big van when he was returning them to his bag. He wasn't mad or upset or anything..he just did it for curiosity sake?????? Chris and I just shake our heads sometime. We still haven't come up with the right discipline. BUT next time there is any damage done with any of his hockey stuff, he's skipping the next practice (that's the only thing that goes right to his heart). We just don't get it? He knew he did something wrong, but we still don't understand the why behind it???

We just have to learn how to handle these strange little (BIG) things so we don't "lose" it and move in the right direction. Part of it is, we just don't understand it, so we get impatient...

Anyway...we'll be celebrating Jonathan's hockey achievements for awhile and being happy for him, and getting ready for winter here. Chris washed and waxed our car today, bought us some nice chairs for our dining room, and is just keeping us going in the right directions. I'm hoping to visit my parents next weekend. Tonight, all is peaceful and good around here! Thank-you Lord!!!

Thanks for all your prayers! Alesia & Chris

The BIG little things....

First, thank you for all your prayers..sounds like Chris' Mom will come home Sat, and my Dad and Mom are having some good times, peace and relief together, if that makes any sense.

Here's a few BIG little things that just leave me standing with my mouth open (usually yelling!)....

1) A few days ago, Andre got hit in the head with a basket ball (just an accident as it came down through the hoop)....he cried..it hurt...THEN...."It's all Sophia's fault because she won't pass....", no it's not, you're just mad because you got hurt...etc on and on for 10 minutes...then "I'm sorry for blaming Sophia"....

2) Today Natasha had on pants that were too long for her...I asked her to change them..."It's Sophia's fault..she gave them to me..." etc..anger yelling, yelling at me because I asked her and Andre not to do some thing but I didn't ask Sophia..etc..you get the idea....then "I'm sorry".....

3) Today..Natasha said "Now I don't have anything to wear because they're in the dirty laundry"...and then later tried to sneak them out of the laundry, and then got mad at me when I said that wasn't going to fly....then "I'm sorry"

4) Today...Andre took his torn old laces out of his hockey skates, and we put new ones in...they were a little long so we tied a couple knots in them so he wouldn't trip. We got home..."Mom...I am going to need new laces again because these are almost thread bare!".....wow..how can that happen so fast???? So...I said, tell me the truth or you can skip hockey tonight. 30 Seconds later..."I cut them"..how? "With my skate blade".....why?  "I didn't like the knots. Well can you guess what Andre is doing now...lacing up his skates with laces he had to find from his sister, after telling them of his foolishness.

5) Today...Jonathan can't get a handle on his mouth..we almost left him at outside playing baseball..but we didn't...he is quick to admit things, doesn't lie about them or sneak..but he can really be in our faces too.

And I'm blogging, because I need to do something other than scream!!! And some days I really think some of my kids try to paint a picture that I'm the "mad" mom, and I'm the problem.

I was thinking today about their experience in the orphanage...they all went from activity to activitiy. Their major issues were fighting over a toy, not eating food they didn't like, and things we don't dare talk about on blogs...if they can manage to go from one activity to another activity without getting into trouble (either they don't do it..or they sneak it and don't get caught)...then all is well.

Now they have a mom who cares about the truth, the heart, self responsible actions, and when I confront them they throw horrible fits, to try to get me mad, so they can tell everyone how angry I am.

Some days all I can say is WOW...and hope this moment moves on and gets better....

Sorry to vent...we're a little out of sorts from our trip, hockey starting up, and just getting back in the groove. Hope to turn the ship around this weekend....

Enjoy the sun! Alesia & Chris 

Vacation...friends...and no keys????

Keep praying for Chris' mom and my dad. He has had some dehydration issues and we're hoping that Chris mom moves into transitional care today for her hip therapy.

Our family is doing well today. We're on vacation with 6 of the kids in IN.

We had a wonderful time with friends of Chris' from Purdue yesterday. They fed our whole family with chili, corn bread, cake, veggies..everything! Kids played outside, Chance ran around with Charlie..it was a perfect day.

Today Chris is working all day and we think he took the keys with him, but left us the car. I think my purse is in the car, and the dog kennel. So I think we'll have a swimming, game day here at the hotel. We stayed up too late last night and kind of messed Chris up for work sleep, so early to bed tonight as well.

We watching a lot of funny romance movies...and laughing a lot, so that has been good! The hotel provides breakfast and dinner so that's great as well!

We look forward to hockey starting up Wed when we get back. Love from Alesia & Chris

Update...........

Chris' mom had hip surgery last Monday and came through well, however, had signs of heart stress or heart attack so they moved her to St. Mary's where they can monitor her heart better. She had an angiogram today, but we have not heard of how everything went.

My dad lost all his energy, and hair, of which I think the latter was more frustrating. I did talk to him today and he sounded like he is taking a turn for more energy since his chemo last Tuesday. I hadn't talked to him, because honestly I wasn't much company myself. It was good to hear his voice today.

Chris is taking Jonathan to football, making sure he has shoes to keep up with his growing feet, and doing all the handy man stuff: gutters, hockey shooting space, getting us raking, securing the camper, varnishing my bookshelves, and all the while being a good Dad & husband.

I am trying to teach the kids, but some days the kids are "trying" me! I'm enjoying the GPS, Bible, Outliers, and the Boy Who Came Back from Heaven, as well as Sunday mornings, and a few choice words from some friends to help me "find my way"!

Katya is working hard at school, is looking forward to driving lessons, she's a great help around the house, and is generally a really good big sister. She made some beautiful cards from a kit her grandma gave her a while back and gave one to me. She likes every minute we can spend together alone which is a rare occurance.

Jaclyn is cruising through her subject matter...but could pick up the pace on Algebra & Biology. She practiced her piano like an "outlier" today after reading the Outlier book in one afternoon. She's looking forward to hockey starting. She was reading Garfield and Stink to her brothers today and I heard a lot of laughing!

Sophia is having fun with soccer. She is not the quickest learner, but she is trying harder this year not to interrupt and give others a chance. She did read a pretty hard book for her, Carry On Mr. Bowditch, which we'll read again outloud, to secure her comprehension. I think she is more interested in keeping her hair beautiful. She is good helper as well around the home.

Natasha has been having a harder time this year. She is learning a lot, and doing her work faithfully, but she tries to get others in trouble, she lies, and thank God, she now confesses it later, she disrupts when someone else is getting instruction. She is very athletic and loves playing soccer as well. She likes to run and run and run, and she likes to do figure skating. She is under "strict" supervision most days, and we hope she will turn the corner soon in homeschool. Her reading is getting better. And it's encouraging to have her start telling the truth.

Jonathan had a disappointment with hockey this year in being selected for the C team. Many of us thought the B a more appropriate place. He's really motivated to get better this year to not let this happen again. Today he did sports for about 6 hours (hockey, phy-ed, football), as well as his math, writing and reading. He has read through 3 smaller science text books this fall already and awaits time with his Dad discussing it . After he finishes his math, we plan to move onto Algebra, so he's doing well for 5th grade. He's a little too competitive and needs to work on his self control when playing sport with girl siblings who drive him crazy! His favorite books this fall are, Heaven is for Real, The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven, 90 minutes in Heaven, and Outliers, and all his hockey, baseball and football books he picks up from the library.

Andre, does what is asked academically, and not much more. He is a quick learner in math, can copy well, but has a hard time with phonics, reading and spelling. He is very handy. He does not stop until he goes to bed, but I have been able to get him to sit quietly with a book for an hour. And he made a mobile today on his own. He is really good at hockey for his age.

James is picking up on reading, progressing in math, but still doesn't like to apply himself to reading. If he just tried, he'd get it, but wants us to point to each word and letter. All the while he can add fractions in his head without ever studying them. He loves football, and welcomes hockey when it comes. He loves to have his sisters read to him.

All the kids are doing well. We keep a pretty rigid schedule. We welcome any helpers who may come our way who would like to spend time with 2 or 3 at a time!

Keep Chris' Mom in your prayers, and my Dad. We are doing well, and I'm hoping for bed by 10 tonight!

Alesia & Chris

Most Importantly.........

Chris' mom had hip replacement surgery today and we haven't heard from anyone on this yet...

My dad has more chemo tomorrow and last time it didn't go so well....

Prayers are appreciated for our parents over the next week...

Thanks for all your prayers and support, some days we're looking for that silver lining....

I did run into an "angel" of a lady today who listened to me for a bit and encouraged me in the Lord. We have had some hockey questions of late, and have received some excellent encouragement and advice as well.

We appreciate your prayers! Alesia & Chris

Pioneer WeekEND!

Dad has managed at home last week......no news for now.....one day at a time...

Our daughter, Jaclyn has wanted to do a pioneer "week" for a long time, and we managed a week end, and we all wish it would END.  It really ends on Monday at 3pm, so technically I shouldn't be blogging, but since the kids went to bed, "candles out" at 8pm, we have some time. Chris is reading blogs, and I'm typing all by candle light! We've been sticking to it pretty good, so catching up on rest has been one of the benefits.

We just went without lights, most of the weekend cooking outside (except today it was raining), and didn't use our dishwasher. Even that was enough of a challenge, how did they do it??? Kids settled down today with books and candles, or coloring for about 30minutes before bed, and it was just really quiet. I think less lights on does have a calming effect on everyone and I plan to try that more often.

I plan to go to a support group tomorrow night at a Caribou..support and coffee, both a win/win. I did pretty much lose my cool last Friday, called Chris numerous times and pulled it around. Trying to remember what it was now...I think just a combination of everything...

We do struggle with lying still around the house, kids try to manipulate to get help with their school work (stuff that they even know), some just don't think or think clearly, hope Monday is off to a better start.

Katya is progressing, but she needs help as well with her subjects. The kids are basically doing well, all of them, but just revert back to strange controlling, inquisitive, deceptive behavior from time to time and as parents it can get really frustrated when we're just trying to maintain order and get everyone to their practice or game.

Andre is our tough one lately. Today he strolled out in his football gear dressed for pictures that ended up being cancelled - ughh. But with all that gear on he kind of sauntered out with the tough guy look and sound in his voice and said "Why didn't you sign me up for hockey sooner?"...implying I messed up! I almost lost it, but he just got a really long lecture that he's lucky he can even be playing, and who is he to even challenge me in how I handle our schedule, etc. He though that the sooner I'd sign him up, the sooner he'd be on the ice..but my instruction to him was "ASK POLITELY" don't tell Mommy how to run our schedule etc. and by the way "NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!". Can you tell I was a little frustrated??? He also pumped our football almost as round as a basketball much to Chris' dismay, leaving the pump and all out, and ruining the nice new football. It's not the first time things like this happen, we just don't share them all.

I just wanted you to know that we still have ups and downs, but mostly ups, and "tireds". I am looking forward to the support though. Also, we have really gotten a lot of school work done and a few need to pick up the pace on reading, but math, writing, and geography are getting done with a lot of reading for a few readers (like halfway through Constitutional Law course), and 2 science days so far (on Friday's). Mostly, despite the "I can't, Jonathan stop it, Mom help me" interruptions, we're progressing, and that's what matters most to me.

Chris and I are contemplating a 1 night marriage get away on 11/11, however, not sure who to watch the kids. Would start Friday afternoon, and end Sat after 5pm, we need it, but need to just enjoy our weekends at home, so will just pray about it.

Visiting Wizards: Chris is getting trained in to do this, and we went to a VW presentation for school on Thursday, cryogenics - super cooling. Kids loved it, and will be nice to have Chris teach them science as well.  Jonathan is getting his legs ready for tryouts during the week at open ice times, and we all have clean clothes to wear, and food in the fridge and Chris was able to help a friend sand some floors to return the favor of all our help this year.

We soaked in the Word today as Pastor Jason is taking us through the Bible, and how refreshing it is to hear the review of all that we have studied in school, now at church. We have a movie night Friday that we might go to as well, at Grace Church of Roseville, you're welcome to join us - free! 

We have football, soccer and hockey in the next 7 days. Photo's and violin, and possibly Chris will head up to take out the dock. Love and God Bless you from Alesia & Chris

Dad is home...

Dad came home yesterday and is moving slow. He slept good which is an improvement over the hospital, and he still has his sense of humor. We had a few tears today...wish we lived closer, but our times together are a blessing.

In Pine springs, we cleaned out some brush, looks much better and a long way to go. Soccer & Football games went well, with little guys game being the winner this week, and Natasha not letting any goals in as goalie! Kids were good sports in the heat and had fun.

2nd week of school, here we go! Have a good week, love Alesia & Chris

Just too much protein booster.....and center of gravity.

We think the protein booster oral medicine didn't sit well with Dad and made him sick..and after talking with the doctor he should be able to get out Sunday or sooner so I am still home chauffeuring children from soccer to soccer. Thank you for your prayers!

The kids were delighted when one child showed up for Games Galore tonight, but I was out running around, and Chris was trimming trees. The kids hunkered down to a game of risk and we had popcorn later when I returned. I just assumed no one would show, but they handled themselves well!

• We managed a little science today; Monarch Butterflies & Center of Gravity. I thought the photo so appropriate to all of our lives..when it's off balance it's way off, and when we can tweak it here and there, it comes back into the right place. The photos of the "weebles wobbling" but they don't fall down, made me think of Mom and Dad's week..what a week they have had.

Love from Alesia & Chris

Please Pray for Dad...

I just talked with him..minutes before he was getting sick in the stomach and had to go. I hope it's from the antibiotic and not from low blood sugar, chemo, or stroke. I had hoped to go out tomorrow afternoon, but may try to go tonight. Thanks for all your prayers.

Alesia & Chris

Dad changed hospitals...

Dad went to a better care hospital today. Pray for his strength & health to return so that he can go home and feel some peace and rest from the hospital hustle and bustle. Thanks for your prayers. Alesia & Chris

Update on Dad

Dad is still in the hospital with low white blood count, and I did get to talk to him and hear the weariness in his voice. Please pray that he can get strong enough and well enough to get out by Friday, meet with his cancer doctor and go home. Pray for Mom as she drives back and forth from the hospital, home, and work.

Tonight is the first night in months that we do not have any activities. I'm looking for a walk with the dog, a few chores and an early night. Only 2 days into the school year, but off to a good start, and that helps.

Thanks for all your prayers. Grateful for our family, and living one day at a time....

Alesia & Chris

Hospitals, Schools, athletic fields & ice rinks...

Dad went into the hospital late last night with low blood sugar that made him hallucinate. They struggle to stabilize his blood sugar, but it is at 70 now. Mom called 911, and the medic had a tough time getting him calmed out of his state, but Mom was able to calm him and help them get sugar into him. He went from crabby to, good but tired spirits and wanting to sleep today. Mom calls it an honor to serve him in these days. We wish they lived closer. He will go home or to a different hospital tomorrow. He has an infection and is being treated for it.

Chris' Mom's replaced hip came out of the socket for the 4th time yesterday and she had to go from a boat into an ambulance, to one hospital, and then into another ambulance, and then to her hospital in the cities, and sit with the pain for about 7 hours before they could put it back in place. She plans to have it fixed in October and is grateful for her recent stint repair that aided her blood flow during all of yesterday's stress to her body. She is home resting.

Our children started school today and all went well. Kids participated in hockey, football, soccer, and violin today (divide & conquer). Today we are grateful for family and friends. We had a nice back to school bar-b-que yesterday and it was truly a well spent 3 hours with kids running around having fun and friends talking non-stop!

Photos from today...Love & God Bless, Alesia & Chris

Family, Dad, School

Spent time with family and see how the kids really enjoy spending time together, but it's hard for the adults to stop long enough to have a reasonable conversation. It was nice for our children to spend time with their cousins and they all did really well together, but it was a constant buzz of activity.

Dad had chemo last week and is starting to feel punky, and we think he might be running a fever, but he didn't want to take his temperature. Dispite his sleepless nights, fever, and overall punk feeling from the chemo he continued to crack jokes. He looked handsome but a bit sicker toward the end, I hope he takes a turn for the better in the next couple of days....

School starts in about 36 hours...I have made a few charts to record our progress, Katya needs to sign up for pictures for the first day of school, and I've glanced at our school calendar. I have made modest goals this year (Reading, Writing & Arithmetic every day) and hope to share our accomplishments with you. The first couple weeks will be the hardest. I see a mixture of excitement, stress, and depression in tall of us over school starting. I'm looking forward to more routine, and hoping for good attitudes. We're having a back to school bar-b-que to help kick off the year for us!

God Bless you and your families,

Love Alesia & Chris

Water Bottles........

We have been handing out water bottles for our church and we about what a blessing it is to give and how healing it is. There are so many ways for children to give if we look for them, and although we do not want them to get all their worth from their actions instead of our Lord, it can still be such a healing experience when their past may have been filled with taking things instead of giving things to others. Giving out water bottles gave us constant smile today.

We were able to TAKE some water bottles today from our friends helping with a host period from Ukraine. It was the shortest 10-15 minutes ever, but we were able to see our friend Tatiana from the kids' orphanage in Kiev, and leave the airport knowing that all of their friends had homes to come home to in Minnesota. So it was a very smile filled happy 15 minutes for us, and we took their water bottles as they were entering security.

We wish we could say hello to all of the workers back in Ukraine, and will treasure their friendship and memories for a long time.

Chris brought the winning run in for his 3M softball game today while the boys watched on (with more smiles) for a score of 15 - 14! Jaclyn played violin at a farmer's market, and enjoyed that as well. We had another full day today. Tomorrow is cleaning, our last day of chamber violin, and football practice.

Our goal is to keep order, put forth our best effort on our activities and spend some time together at the end of the day..............8 days until school!!

Love Alesia & Chris

The list goes on...of blessings..

All church baptism and picnic, Jonathan scored twice, I survived 10 hockey games since Thursday driving back and forth between Jaclyn and Jonathan's games. Chris survived a busy weekend with most of the kids, and we were able to meet at church even. A nice walk with our dog, brothers talking to each other about football as they drift off to sleep, a beautiful night for a baptism at a lake. Cool nights for sleeping, and more.

We don't have any complaints here, and are glad that hockey is slowing down for a few days. We are gearing up for Labor Day weekend with my folks, back to school bar-b-que on Labor Day, cleaning out the garage, and starting school in 8 days!! After that we'll be chopping down trees and brush and enjoying the crisp fall air.

Love from Alesia & Chris

Our Bible Reading...

Today somethings happened toward the end of the day that almost caused me to melt down, but I kept the faith and moved on....a couple children ask me occasionally why I am mad at them, and I have decided that I will tell them calmly, with great length on occasion and with truthfulness while I am at it, so that they will see the reason for their actions...and I can let it out. And we can practice do overs, or the discipline planned of for that offense. Anyway, we managed.

We are reading through the Bible in 2 years and are doing this before bedtime, and God's word is so much richer with our children of all backgrounds with us. Knowing some withstood serious abuse makes the Psalms and Gospels richer, and knowing God's heart towards all of us, and His need for obedience, has made reading the Old Testament that much richer. Here are a couple excerpts...

Saul just disobeyed God and kept some sheep to "offer to the Lord" when he was supposed to have destroyed all of the enemy and their spoils..........1Sam 22: So Samuel said "Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord. Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being King."

Psalm 72: 14 He will redeem their life from oppression and violence, and PRECIOUS shall be their blood in His sight. Some of our children have shed blood at the expense of other's oppression and their blood is precious to HIM (and us too!).

We had Chris' sister and her family over last night and that is always a treat for our children. They play ball with the boys, hang out with the girls, visit constantly, and are a delight to have. We hope they can come often, and it was nice to have visitors.

We had one attempt at a very short start to school, and it gave me some hope (despite the constant interruptions!). Kids did math and writing, and some better than others, but it was still a great start compared to organizing, moving, cleaning, etc. I was not excited to start, but was much more hopeful afterward. We'll be trying more days like this next week, so will try to share how it goes.

Three hockey games tomorrow, 4 on Sat I think, and Sunday is TBD. Last hockey hurrah until October...yeah!

Love from Alesia & Chris

Toilet Paper, The Connected Child, Open Honesty.....

Today I found out that our girls didn't have toilet paper in their bathroom...it turned into a minor fight about "survival" techniques in a family. We do not let people go without TP and we don't "deny" it ever as a form of punishment, but my fear is that some of our children purposely deny themselves things just to show "they can survive". It is sad for me. Sometimes then I wonder if  they might say "my mom is so mean she doesn't give us toilet paper". We had a nice talk about if you're out, just say we're out, and that we don't always know because we don't use that bathroom and good parents provide these things, and we don't have to "survive" or show others we can, but for some reason their survival techniques made me mad and sad, instead of compassionate..............

Which leads me to the book we've started reading...THE CONNECTED CHILD by Purvis, Cross and Sunshine. I capitalized it because it has had an amazing affect on me already in just the first chapter. Really, amazing. It contrasts take your child to doctors and get them "figured" out, with understand them, shelter them, and help them feel safe. When our children, bio or not don't feel safe because we're yelling at them and quote "threatening" them with our behavior "WHY did you"...."Stop it, Stop it, STOP IT"...etc. then they will resort back to "clinically disordered behavior that needs medicating". Yes, we need answers and this book has some of those for the really tough cases too....about brain chemistry as well has security, love, and behavior helps as well. It has really touched my heart....."Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering"...Yoda...

pg..8 "Once you see yourself in this role of mentor, encourager, and protector, days become filled with opportunities to show your child how to correct his mistakes (just did that with one child seconds ago who called their brother a liar!), to practice doing the right thing (she went down and apologized kindly), to communicate needs with words instead of behavior (ask for TP! don't clean when angry), and to get positive feedback for his efforts (Thank-you for telling me the truth! Good job). When your child feels TRULY safe, doors SWING open to positive change.................I know that's what we all want, so we need to cultivate safety. 

Aside: I had a long talk with a woman today who's friend is still struggling after 9 years of adoption with their 15 year old boy, who lies chronically...and I wondered if they had seen this book when he was 6 would it be different. They have been in and out of therapy, medicines, etc..but if it's always "their problem" maybe we have not changed..the books talks about being on the same team...I like that because I preach it to the kids all the time...be on the family's team..not just this sibling against that sibling...anyway, will need to get a copy to have when times get hard.

Open Honesty...heard from John Hay (Hays Kids)...that one time he had a discussion about one of his children with his wife and his son overheard it. He was worried that it might have hurt his feelings, but his son reacted amazingly positive. I have found that once in a while at the dinner table in front of others, I have made some honest but calm comments about behavior that is inappropriate. I am trying to not hold it in, but explain the offense and ask for changed hearts out loud, no secrets.

Hope you have enough TP, can get a hold of a copy of the Connected child, and can say it honestly and calmly! Love Alesia & Chris

We closed!

It was a good day! We closed on our house, met the new owners and believe they may call us a few times when they need a little more info on this or that gadget. There was fighting but they all worked it out each together. I wasn't present for it, but heard about it, and saw the recovery between 3 different siblings. It is always so good to see forgiveness.

Kids had hockey & football. Two sisters helped with the little boys football while I drove to hockey, and Chris helped coach football. Two other sisters brushed the dog, and cleaned up the kitchen from supper. We had Chris' berry smoothies together and some reading time outloud. A nice peaceful end to the day.

Even though it is bittersweet to say good-bye to our old stomping grounds, it is offset greatly by putting the money in the bank. We are grateful to God's provision, and timing with this home and the sale of our home. Now we need to organize the garage, put in a larger door for our van and hang some pictures! We're getting there.

The kids set up a hockey shooting station in our yard by themselves and started in right away. I think it will be a hit and great practice time for them. Hope your day was good, so good to have a few things behind us, despite the activity of sports now.

Love Alesia & Chris

Football,Volleyball, Hockey, Moving..what else!

I was able to meet my brothers birth mom from Korea and that was a treat. She is a believer in our Lord.

After, I saw Mom and Dad last weekend, and other than Dad moving slow except when he was in the grocery store in his go cart....all was well. It was a retreat!

Kids missed me and tackled the car when I got home. Chris had a bonfire going for us!

3 Boys are playing football in full gear...got to get those pads in the right pants, in the right direction, in the right size! Chris coaches Jonathan's team, and we walk James & Andre up to their practice.... 

Katya got signed up to try out for volleyball JUST IN TIME! 6 hours x 2!  And fall AAA hockey is in swing....tourny this weekend and the next for 2 kiddo's.

Let's just move the rest of our STUFF out of the old house and have a closing just to make it more interesting, oh, and Chris' work picnic Wed, and I think that's about it!

One of our girls is acting out a bit, but I need to sit with her and read or snuggle and we'll pull it around, I guess what can I expect with 2 busy days back to back.

Oh yeah..and one footall boy drank too many fluids and missed the toilet so I accidently stepped in it..he cleaned it up and I showered so all is fine now! Ugh, not as bad as some stories though!

Thanks for your prayers and un answered phone calls! We look forward to talking to you soon.

Love Alesia and Chris

Hobbies, habits, and holiness...

Hebrew 12:12-14 Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright.

Wow, what a mouthful in Hebrews! It feels as though my hands hang down low with depression as I try to organize our garage of hobbies. It seems as though I am organizing everyone's hobby with no hope of finding my own little space to do a hobby. We have hobbies and containers, and tools and tool bags, and empty organizers, and stuff we've accumulated in the last 15 years that has to some how find majical spots in our garage so we can bring over more hobbies, tools and JUNK from the old house in the next 5 days. And I have even been yelled at because I need to make it fit (like a jigsaw puzzle or something)....and oh how I'd like bitterness to take root...

We have fishing, woodworking, camping, baseball, hockey, anything you would need to fix anything from electric to plumbing, gardening, and we haven't even moved the canoes, more rollerblading stuff, and who knows what else. Thank God Chris fixed up under our deck so it can store some things, and we found a good place for our wood. I would like it if we downsized on our hobbies...

Habits...some lately have found the habit of doing "good" after doing bad. Sometimes I never know what the bad is, but the eye contact goes away, and the good works start up. It's a way of "healing" their hurt, without confessing it and growing in forgiveness and trust. We talk about it a lot and I pray that they will feel safe enough to just say it outloud, and not "work it out".

Holiness...as per Hebrews 12...is hard when I just want a little space from the kids, (starting even at 6:30am in the morning and until bedtime - but today I took a nap..just so beat lately), and when I'm "told" to organize something that isn't even mine and I don't have a clue how to organize it...Holiness is hard, but "without it, no one will see the Lord"...and that's what we have to remember in all we do.

Good, but tired...

Dad is starting to pick up energy. Chris' mom is having the kids and Chris over after her surgery and sounds like she is doing good, but tired. Our youngest 5 went on a walk to a garage sale with Sophia (12) in charge! And other than about 6 phone calls, all went well. Natasha returned with a beautiful music box with teddy bears dancing in the snow, and 2 hockey players (9 figurines in all - how perfect), all for $2 (for Mom). James told me what he thought about buying, and everyone had a nice walk. Sophia and I took the little boys to football, and Chris helps coach Jonathan's football. I fell asleep in the grass for a few minutes.

It's quiet now, so will go do a few things and enjoy that as well. It's a day in His hand, peaceful, but I am still tired. Still much to do before we close on the old house.

If you get a chance read Urban Servant's blog..and keep her in your prayers as they are moving. It will give you a "taste" of what some families go through (no pun intended). All I can say is I am grateful to hear her stories and can grow stronger as an adoptive parent and we can grow as a family.

Love Alesia & Chris

Dad

Just wanted you to know that Dad is having some hard, wiped out days. It would be a blessing if he can pull through from this chemo and have some more good days like he did in July. We have had so many good days with him since we found out last October, but it is never easy. Thanks for your prayers, I put his caring bridge site up on our blog if you can keep him in your prayers. Love Alesia & Chris

Some Good News, Anxiety, and the Run on Sentence...

Chris' Mom's surgery went well. We just had a nice Little House in the big woods family read. Boys had good football practice and didn't lie about cheating in practice. Little frogs are climbing up our windows, which is fun to look at. I was "anxious" today, couldn't really relax so will be heading to bed early after a bath. Kids are off to bed at 9:30pm. I read in one of the google articles of an adopted boy who needs only 4 hours of sleep. We are so fortunate that sleep is not one of the many issues that can challenge our family. A few like to get up early (5:30am and on), but they either lay there, get up and read or do some quiet chores. Did I say we are fortunate! I had hugs and kisses tonight from almost all our children, and am sure I'll get one here soon from the last when the Twin's game is over on the radio - we do not have cable. It was a good end to a busy day: hockey dryland, chamber music, the book of Ruth in the Bible (a great read!) and football for 3 boys. Katya helped make chicken for dinner, and handled the kids when I was driving to and from hockey 3x, and it was especially a treat today, as I just was on edge. I didn't blow or anything, but just felt anxious. That's always a good reminder to pray, but still had a hard time having it go.

Some days feel like a run on sentence....it starts with one child and works it's way through all the kids throughout the day with little to no pause, unless I ask for a quiet time which I do ever so often or we allow a film, then after the kids are off to bed, it's like the period to this long sentence. Sometimes it's hard to start up a dialogue again, after so much verbal, chitter chatter, and excitement. But as kids feel safer and practice love and kindness, they begin to interact more and more with each other, instead of me, and that helps as well.

When I was taking the kids to hockey, Andre talked non-stop until he was at hockey, then I had a 10 minute drive home, then a few talked to me at home, and then Jonathan talked non-stop on the way to hockey, and Andre talked non-stop on the way back..and then - you get the idea! Anyway, it's when I can calmly say, ok, Mom's ears need a break for a little while..without snapping, that I know that I'm growing as well.

Thank-you for your prayers for my Parents. And for us as a family. We look forward to hearing from you and spending time when you can. Love Alesia and Chris

Philippians 4:6, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Your Prayers, Our Picnic, & you guessed it, Attachment....

Dear Prayer warriors.....keep my parents in your prayers, that they can experience peace in the midst of suffering. Dad is worn out from his chemo a few days ago (for his esophageal cancer), and I just think prayers are the thing they need most right now.

Chris' Mom has carotid artery http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002951.htm surgery tomorrow (Tue) and your prayers are so important to us. Thank-you.

Our European Children's Adoption Services picnic was everything I expected it to be...good, and bad.

 Face painting, balloons, and slushies. Chris and I did hang out and that was nice. Our children played well together, stood up for each other, and obeyed us. All in all it was a good day as a family.

I'm grateful for one ECAS social worker spending some time with us, and she knows us well, and she shared a story about one of her adopted children.  She told me a story about how after 6 years of adoption her child was overheard talking about how they wished they could have been adopted into another family. I couldn't believe it, but it was so good for me to hear. It made me realize that we can experience our children's desire for detachment at any time, no matter what we have done or gone through, and that not to take it personally (my favorite passtime). I asked if she flipped out, and she said no, she handled it very well, and educated the parent that has made her child feel so welcome. What a wonderful example to set for me as an adoptive parent. And she recommended a book for me to share with my Dad.

One of my daughters came to the picnic in the skimpiest suit she could find (her way of feeling loved and important). I had recently purchased a nice wholesome one for her, and she liked it and thanked me with her big hugs, and I would naturally think that she felt blessed and special, but really it just didn't show enough skin. We have had 20+ talks about this in the past, so we had another, and she swam with her shirt over her suit and said "ok Mom" in a really respectful tone. At least we made it that far....

Another daughter found a friend to talk to and was invited to their home, but we haven't had contact with them since last October, and I thought it best that we plan that for a different time. So many times things sound so fun right at the moment, but they are not what is best for our family. We had a nice talk today about it.

Lastly, a big fight did break out in the pool, of which many played a part in. But I think we all were not paying enough attention to our children in the pool. Some of my children said they were punched, hair pulled, and almost drowned. I remember when our children first came and they almost drowned others, as they didn't swim that often and didn't realize their strength when they would hang onto each other.

I appreciate all that ECAS has done for us, and the picnic was fun, and it was fun to see parents that had traveled to our same orphanage, but honestly, it is not my best event of the year.

Attachment: I am reading little things here and there. I really like the Trauma Headquarters (top 10 don'ts), and links to audio's that I can scroll to for attachment, teen age stuff, etc). I'll share little quotes as I get find them...

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.." Yoda from Star Wars.....Does that sum it up for adoptive families or what? I fear what they will do, they fear what we will do, they fear the unknown, we hate each other at one time or another (yes I feel it too sometimes, thank God not today). We can struggle...Trauma Headquarters goes on to say...relieve the fears so you can attach, and I tell myself that every time I want to crinkle up my face, or yell, or slam a door or anything to alleviate the pressure...."alleviate the fear".  As John Hays (Hayskids) puts it, "Calm down, and Delay Parenting", delayed parenting means that at the moment they can't receive it and you're too mad to give it, so wait until the situation is calmer and then make sure it is covered, there can be consequences, and it's done calmly.

Jonathan and Sophia walked to the library. I sat with Andre. I unpacked boxes with Natasha first and Katya second. We did our family Bible time, and James, Jaclyn, Andre and Natasha are playing Oregon Trail or My Little Pony on the computer. We spent time together today. I need to pull James and Jaclyn aside some days to spend time with them. Attachment  is work, but I hope it will lead to a secure, peaceful family.  But there may be days 6 years from now that someone wishes they were adopted into a different family, and may God give me the grace to handle that with His love.

Alesia and Chris

Helpers, Wood, 2 Dogs, and a Date?

We are so grateful for helpers...yesterday we had a friend from our neighborhood help Chris move the heavy stuff out of our garage. He had to work early today and we had a taco dinner planned as well, so we over stepped our bounds with his generosity to help and we just really appreciate his servant heart towards us. In the past he has helped us build a swingset, try to watch our dog, move heavy furniture for our move, and loan us their fan many times. His wife helped us clean for our sale, has watched our children numerous times and is a great reprieve for me to talk to. Today we had 2 more helpers, one was from Chris' work and another a long time friend of Chris' from childhood. We've had many more over the past few months - THANK-YOU!!!

We had 3 guys, 10 kids, and 2 dogs around most of the day today, loading wood, loading stuff, stacking wood, and working hard in the heat and humidity. We did so much today that Chris decided to return the trailer early, and we had a date on our way! A gas stop at Fleet Farm and a couple cokes to go, and time spent together. OH, yesterday, Chris showed me my "dream list" for our home, and our new home hit every dream except 1! That was a fun thing to read, probably written 5+ years ago, God is so good and faithful to us.

2 Dogs???? We had a friend in need of a dog sitter, and with all that we have had to do, you'd think it a burden, but it was all but! It has been a comic relief really! Thanks to Katya for watching Amber and Chance all day, as we came and went, I think she kind of enjoyed it as well. Little Amber chased Chance all around all day, chewing him out for stealing her stick or ball, and they are so tuckered out, a reminder to keep our children active as well. We laughed and smiled during our stacking, unloading, eating lunch, and raking outside.

Attachment: Tomorrow we have our annual picnic put on by our Adoption agency, European Children's Adoption Services. Our children love this picnic and are really excited. I am excited for most of them, however, there is one that I worry about. She has a track record of finding someone to complain about, and she needs to talk, and can still talk in Russian, and some days are good for her here and other times are not. She has re-assured me that she is not going to keep doing this, but my trust is still low. I hope the attachment stuff doesn't get me too down. Mostly, it's fun to see the kids get their faces painted, eat snow cones, popcorn and other fun things, and play a ton of games, and swim if they want to. It's really a great time to connect with others doing the same thing we are.

Please keep my parents in your prayers as they go through down days and battling cancer is hard. Chris' Mom has carotid artery surgery next week.  Thanks for all your sustaining prayers for us. I am so grateful for some websites I have found (and put on the blog), and am finding, support, ideas, encouragement, etc.!

Ps 23, the Lord is our Shepherd, I shall not want...our cup runneth over...lovingly, Alesia & Chris

Grieving, Baseball & Attachment...

Grieving today the sale and loss of our old home despite being grateful it sold so quickly and the blessing of our new home. I remember our little ones playing in the back yard and cry when I look at the sandbox. Not sure if this means I should get more sleep, or just sit and cry and treasure those precious memories...

We played baseball today, 5 innings, the most ever. Most of us held it together, but 2 biological's lost their self control almost entirely. I stayed calm but for fun modeled for them their crazy behavior! They all blew me kisses good night and we're moving on. Sophia hit 3 home runs, one of which was a grand slam, Katya hit and got home, and Natasha made it on and home as well. Andre hit some nice ones, really! Jonathan is athletically great, but I said I won't play with him again until Chris is there. He even admits he'd make a poor manager! James bunted and made it to 3rd a couple times I struck out 3x! I still can't believe it. I think I'd been bragging too much about my good streak in the 50mph batting cage!

Attachment topic of the day...1) John Hays has a great support e-mail he is sending out..we read it together! And 2) We had a discussion about a very yucky sick newspaper article. The jest of it was that the man did something really bad to a woman, and "it was all his fault"...we had a really good discussion about how to not put ourselves in those situations, and what attachment disorders play out in situations like this, and how even though he was wrong and should be in jail, if the woman had a healthy set of boundaries and friends she never would have had to worry, let alone experience the abuse. It was a good discussion!

We are growing, and every day I grieve something...usually it's time not spent with one of my children, or husband, or something like that, and I am praying for patience for attaching. I love the Trauma Headquarters(TH)..it's really helping me.  One of our girls hugs me now about 50-100 times a day, and I wonder who took all those hugs last year when she was in school. I hope she can rest in our family and not need that many hugs someday, but for now, most often it's ok, but some times I ask her to try to not need attention right at this moment and find something calm to do like read a book, or a craft. Sometimes they hang on me, or block the door to the bathroom and if I'm rested or calm, I can handle it, but honestly, sometimes I want to scream and hold it back. TH is teaching me that when I freak out, it causes fear and that causes more issues, and then the cycle starts all over again, so trying to break the cycle and help our kids feel safe. We're doing a lot of talking about it these days and that helps a lot!

Mostly it was a peaceful, kind, loving day today.

We appreciate your prayers so much..and Dad had chemo today so thanks for those prayers too!
Alesia & Chris

Lamentations...........and His Faithfulness

Quoted from the Family Life Marriage Bible, NKJV, "...this book is written near the end of his (Jeremiah's) life, as he sees the terrible fulfillment of all the ominous warnings he so faithfully delivered to his spiritually wandering people.  Even though God's hard hearted people ignored Jeremiah's message, the prophet still weeps at the fall of the holy city and at the suffering of God's chosen nation."

Just wanted to know the background and one of my favorite verses just mirrors today: Lam 3: 19-on into the rest of the chapter....

Remember my affliction and roaming...my soul still remembers and sinks within me...this I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not, THEY ARE NEW EVERY MORNING; Great is Your faithfulness, the Lord is my portion...says my soul, therefore I hope in Him! The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him, It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord....etc.

Today was a NEW day! Thanks for your prayers....we had a good family discussion today about our Bible reading (Delilah & Samson..and Judas Iscariot), we played Apples to Apples, and the kids sang karoke praise songs for a long time. Katya biked with Natasha to the Library, and the kids went later to the library with Dad and walked home. There was string chamber today in our home, and chess, and laundry, and bathroom floor washing. I walked with one daughter and she broke down and we hugged, and I walked with another explained the difference between wishing evil on someone and just explaining wrong doing. We painted nails and my hair got braided and combed a few times. Andre made mint tea, and Jaclyn baked cookies, Jonathan had hockey. We had a nummy steak & chx supper! We said things directly and yet we handled it. It was a NEW day and I am grateful to your prayers. I feel more strength today to be the mom I need to be, even though I faced similar challenges today.

My husband fixed my computer, and the car, and let me go out with a couple friends who home school as well. The kids played with some neighborhood friends outside today for awhile and the boys especially had fun with football, baseball and biking. It was a full day, but some how it was a NEW day, and I have strength to face tomorrow.

THANKS for your prayers! In Him, Alesia & Chris

Attachment and Faithfulness....

A couple weeks ago we had a sermon at church about faithfulness. How it's hard to be faithful these days with facebook, e-mail, cell phones, etc. We can be friendly, but the latest and greatest can pass us up and move right in whenever we want it to.

I am experiencing this with adoption, and honestly it is really hard for me. I have experienced it off and on for a couple years, but am much more aware of it now. We are also experiencing it with family who have pulled away from us over the last couple of years. We feel lonely off and on.

I have recently experienced faithfulness at the same time. Saturday we were taking down things from our attic and I ran across some dishes that will be useful at home for us. And we found my Bible from when I was a baby, and some books from my childhood, and an old tray that Chris and I used to make bricks with. But more than anything, I found Chris and I just crying and hugging in front of our son James about all the faithful little things that we have in our life. And I see it in my parents as my Dad battles cancer. I guess when we can stay lovingly faithful to someone over the long haul, that's one great form of success.

Today one of my girls said to me "girls are best"...and I said don't say that, you might have a husband or a son some day and that is just not right...we are all needed and God loves us the same. Another child in our household is going through an attachment phase that she just left our home for our neighbors without telling us, or just bonds to other "mother" figures out there as they pop up, at the same time she is sassy or disrespectful to me. It's heartbreaking to see kids pour out their love to someone they don't even know, yet, not even see what has been given to them from us as their parents. Another child seems to just hug anyone she has met in the last 15 minutes and can "bounce" form person to person. At least some of those hugs include me so I know she's trying to attach to me. Another of our children looks for people to complain too, and is just not content here. But I wonder when or where she would ever find contentment, and does she understand it will be mostly a choice and a walk with Jesus and contentment with Him?

Chris is so encouraging, he says it will just take time and we've come a long way and to keep on going.

There is healthy attachment going on as well with each of the brothers and sisters, but there is also manipulative strange attachment, "he can sit next to me, but don't you touch me" etc. kind of stuff. This adoptive brother is ok, but this biological one isn't. And when it's between 7 siblings, there is always some thing kind of like that going on between brothers and sisters. How to get the biological siblings to be content with each other is more of a challenge now than it was a year ago.

It's so much better than it was a year ago, but it's also like how long can it stay this way with a few weak links of contentment modeling for others? I feel hurt or disillusioned most days and wonder what's in store around the corner as far as my heart goes. I think I attached too quickly, for what I should have been expecting. But I'm afraid I will detach which is not the direction to go.

We're hoping to order a good book, and I hope to attend a support group. I appreciate your prayers. There is nothing major going on, just underlying strains that make parenting for me hard. I have lost trust from this strange attachment phenomena. I have felt betrayed and I guess now it's time for the real work of parenting to start and I'm not sure some days if I'm up for it, but here I go. It helps to talk about it.

We're back on the hockey trail, and hope to get a few studies done with the kids this week. We did have some friends stop by on Sat and hang out and help with a few things and that was refreshing. We're beating the heat at the rinks, and in the air conditioning. We'll be finalizing our garage moving this weekend.  Praise God we close on the sale of that home Aug 18th.

Just needed to share what's going on, and that we treasure your prayers and understanding. We look forward to hearing from you or having you over some time. God Bless the rest of your summer!
Alesia & Chris

Vacation, School, House..etc

 Sure am having trouble formating so will go with it and hope the type fills in the gaps. My computer is also on the fritz. We had a great time in Glacier - note all the beautiful photos. We had a nice time at Steve and Nancy's wedding. We are doing well most days, but there is definitely a lot of female hormone going around. Someone is always gossiping, complaining, lying, crying, sassing, from the female side of things. And from the male side, there is mostly complaining and sometimes your general physical contact. I have to say lately I trust few and fear more, but am hoping for a better future. I have chosen to serve HIM, and try to not let it get me down. Some say they are sorry but dip into the same behavior. I need to stop taking it personally. Chris and I are well, but have a lot to do to finish up the sale of the house. Kids are going to VBS, then hockey starts, then I hope to have them in another VBS. Football starts Aug 8. Natasha had a nice sleep over birthday party after Glacier.

 

We have the tally's in for homeschool, 6 for home and 1 for school. We'll be doing the same curriculum for Jonathan, Natasha & Sophia except for Math, the same for James & Andre, and Jaclyn's on her own for a lot of subjects, mostly highschool level. She's finishing up biology and half of Algebra I this summer. Katya will attend Mahtomedi High School. Many will gossip about our choice, please pray instead and please keep your comments to yourself.

We'll be hunkering down in August around sports, to finish up the sale of our home, and finished getting settled. We appreciate your love and good will towards us and your conversation, and encouragement. Chris and I have days that get long and hard and knowing that you're out there is a great encouragement to both of us.

Please stop by any time to visit. We love visitors and it breaks up our days. We appreciate all of you and your help with our move and sale of our home. Love Alesia & Chris 



Katya and Jaclyn are looking more and more like sisters every day. 

A peacock visited our last camping spot at a KOA. HA! 

 Sure was beautiful!

 



The scenery and time together as a family.